It amazed me that society had sunk so low. How could we have let the Germans do this to us, invade us and conquer the southern half of our country. I mean, it wasn't as if we didn't know... they gave us plenty of warning for fuck sake! Tuesday the seventeenth they said, Tuesday... if you don't capitulate, if you don't start acting like good Europeans you're gonna get some Teutonic boot! Well they didn't exactly say it like that, they didn't eff and blind, but the message was there. Very clear - very clear indeed. Wrapped in a cocoon of politically correct euro-babble... “Be good, or we're spank ya!”. And what did we do about it. Nothing! Well we complained, moaned, but... In actual fact we did nothing. And what happened when the seventeenth came? Well they they invaded didn't they. They put Jack boots on our sacred soil. We let our selves get beat. God know what Churchill would have said! I know what I said though. “Piss poor!” That's what I said. “Piss poor!”

And the thing is, what really got me, is that it was the Tories that let 'em do it! You'd a thought that they'd have fought back! But the Tories of today are very different animals to the ones of thirty years ago! They weren’t weakened a by all that oestrogen in the water. I mean, Maggie had balls of steel! And Tebbit... he was hard. He had bottle! Could you image Tebbit letting the krauts do this? No way! He'd a been cunting 'em off on the beaches! Cunting 'em off in the streets, cunting 'em off in Chatham high street! And d'ya know why Cameron ain't doing the same? I tell you why, cos he’s pussy whipped. Listened to to much Smiths when he was young, listened to to much radio four. If Cameron was a woman he'd be Jeremy Clarkson.

But the war....

I woke up on the Seventeenth, Tuesday, and the bleeding Luftwaffe was in the sky. Not the old Luftwaffe, not the Stukas and heinkels that you'd expect of them, but modern jet fighters with missiles and rockets. They roared over the sky and dropped soldiers. German soldiers with parachutes. And those soldiers didn't even have the politeness to wear a German helmets! They didn't even wear death head insignias! I hated them! Hated them as only a man from Strood can hate. And I watched then set up their beach heads and landing points. And this bleedin' kraut on a truck, behind a machine gun had the audacity to wave at me. He wasn't even being ironic! Not even sneering... “Fuck you!” I said. “Fuck you!” I shouted. And do you know, he looked at me as though I was the unreasonable one!

So how did they do it? How did the Germans after three tries, eventually stick it to us. How did the Germans, with their ban on nuclear weapons and their limited military might manage to invade Britain, a nuclear power with highly trained SAS soldiers. Why didn't we bomb their invasion fleet? Why didn't we fight back! I tell you why. Cos we're piss poor. Cos were worried that someone might get hurt if we didn't defended our borders. ”Times have changed said the modern politician. Although we're at war, we can't actually fight back. Somebody might get hurt! Somebody might sue!” Yeah, I thought, but you ain't too slow to ban smoking and drinking are you! Not to slow to deny the existence of interglacial weather patterns. And do you know what they did to defend against the Germans. Do you know what did to defend our shores. They gave the bankers bigger bonuses. They built a few more windmills and told us to insulate our lofts. And the girly-men of this country who drink oestrogen diluted water did just that. They stopped smoking, they stopped drinking and they denied their Darnley road roots. If all middle class men were women I wouldn't be at all surprised.